“The Handshake Guy”- This is the guy that you meet when you have no sooner sat down in your seat than he is right next to you. He wants to know where you’re from, why you’re in that ward, and what you do for a living. He will usually react with awe as you relate your profession even if it is just an office clerk or nighttime janitor, and the moment that you get to where you are from his mind begins to work on who he might know that you might know. “You are from Alaska”? he might say…”Well do you know…so and so” regardless of the fact that Alaska is twice the size of Texas and that the person he knows from Alaska lived there for two years from the ages of 3-5. He is someone that you never want to tell your real personal business to because no matter how he says he can keep a secret, at the instant that it might advance him towards his coveted role of Elders Quorum President he will spew out his new found knowledge like a boiling can of beans restin
g on a boy scout campfire.“The Water Bottle at Church Guy”-What may be a normal day in church for you is a walk through the Mojave desert for this guy. He is perhaps the easiest to spot because his quirks are on the outside… or are they. Usually the “Water Bottle at Church Guy” has a story behind the bottle and you can bet your whole tithing check he wants you to ask him. “Why am I carrying this bottle” he might reply “Well I can’t get parched because I am singing in church today (cue: swoon because he is musically talented.) He might also reply “I’ve just been so sick I have to keep fluids going through my body” (I really want someone who will mother me)
“Beard Guy” There is actually two types of beard guy: The first type of beard guy is I have a beard because I don’t want look like all the short hair clean shaven cookie cutter elders. He wants to be an individual let people know that he lives by his own rules and plays his own game. Often times he is more accepting of people and will be the one to offer up the “controversial” comment in class that begins discussion. This beard guy goes to great lengths to make sure that he fulfills every bit of his calling as to not fill the stereotype of being a slacker just because he has a beard.
The second type of “beard guy” would say “I have a beard because I can’t be bothered to take care of myself.” These guy usually wears a bear of corduroys from the late 90’s or a pair of khaki pants that his mom went with to purchase right before his first year of college . He will be wearing brown leather slip on shoes (because he can’t be bothered to tie the laces) and white socks.
“The Bowtie Guy” (synonym “Suspender Guy")- This the guy that everyone in ward knows. He is everyone’s friend and if you want to know what’s “going-on” in the ward this is the guy for you. This guy probably served on Student government in high school or was on institute council in college. He is very rarely seen with a girl not by his choosing, but because nature has dealt him the “you’re like a good friend to me” card time and time again. He thrives on attention and wants more than anything to be taken seriously but is often regarded as a muse or jester to occupy the dead time during the block.
“Colored shirt-No tie guy”- Last but certainly not forgotten (Your eyes are drawn to him the second he walks in the Chapel) This guy was the popular guy in his high school or his college fraternity. He is more often than not accompanied by the “Can you wear that to church and still be considered modest” girl. This guy is usually in great athletic shape and uses his physique as an excuse to why he isn’t wearing a tie. “I can’t get the top button to button cause my neck is too big” might be his retort to heckling from the bowtie guy. Yep, they don’t sell bigger shirts than that at your Macy’s, Dillards, or insert random mall store here do they?
*Website Citations
Site 1-http://confessionsofasinglemormongirl.blogspot.com/
Site 2-http://molly-mormon.com/
Site 3-http://singlemormongirl.wordpress.com/2007/12/18/how-to-spot-a-player/
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